Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
