i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
