nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize