Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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