i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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