yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
