dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
