The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When are your genitals available?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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