im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize