i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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