i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize