So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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