We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
