So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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