Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Non-Jews are for practice
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
