Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
