He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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