so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
