i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you never un-have a 4some
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
God, I missed his penis.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
