This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
