Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Houston, we have a squirter
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
