How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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