That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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