i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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