you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
