I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
