If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize