Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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