How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
