Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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