my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize