It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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