Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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