hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
