Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
