Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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