Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
