i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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