I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
