remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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