I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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