that's an acceptable place to lick
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
