drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
