Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
