i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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