I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
