yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
