Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
