Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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