She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
