I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
