I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
