All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
