Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
