even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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