I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize