be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
