I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
