Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize