I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
