I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize