I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
