the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Drunk is not a location!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
