okay pat passed out under dana's car
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
