I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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