Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
