i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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