Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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