I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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