I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
