i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
