We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
