I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
